Daryl Lorette Cafe

Lean Lisa

Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm

Lean Lisa was not at all like Lazy Heinz and Fat Trina, who would not allow anything to disturb their rest. She burned herself out from morning until evening and loaded so much work on her husband, Lanky Lenz, that it was harder for him than for a donkey loaded with three sacks. But it was all for naught. They had nothing, and they got nothing.

One evening she was lying in bed, too tired to move a muscle but still unable to fall asleep, when she poked her husband in the side with her elbow and said, "Lenz, listen to what I just thought of. If I were to find a florin, and you were to give me another one, then I'd borrow yet another one, and you'd give me still another one, and then I would take the four florins and buy a young cow."

The man agreed. "I don't know," he said, "where I'm to get that florin I'm supposed to give you, but after you have the money to buy a cow, it will be a good thing." Then he added, "I'm looking forward to the time after the cow calves, so I can have some good refreshing milk to drink."

"The milk is not for you," said the woman. "We will let the calf suck, so it will grow large and fat, and we can sell it for a good price."

"Of course," said the man, "but it won't hurt anything if we take a little milk."

"Who taught you about cows?" said the woman. "I won't allow it, whether it will hurt anything or not. You can stand on your head, but you won't get a single drop of milk. Lanky Lenz, just because you are always hungry, you think that you can devour everything that my hard work brings in."

"Woman," said the man, "be quiet, or I'll plant one on the side of your face."

"What!" she cried. "Are you threatening me! You glutton! You good-for-nothing! You lazybones!"

She was reaching for his hair, but Lanky Lenz raised himself up, took hold of both her skinny arms with one hand, then pushed her head into the pillow with the other one. He held her there and let her scold until she fell asleep from exhaustion.

The next morning when she woke up, I do not know whether she continued to quarrel, or whether she went out to look for the florin that she wanted to find.

Twenty Years with the Good People

Ireland

I had a gran'uncle, he was a shoemaker; he was only about 3 or 4 months married. I'm up to fourscore now. Well, God rest all their souls, for they are all gone, I hope to a better world!

Well, sir, he says to his wife, and a purty girl she was, as I hear um say, -- the fortune wasn't very big but 'twould buy him a good bit of leather, and I might tell you, 'twas all brogues that was worn at the time, and faith, you should be big before you would get them same.

Howisever, he started one day for Limerick would [with] and ass and car, to bring home leather and other little things he wanted. He did not return that night or the next, nor the next. Begor, the wife and some frinds went to Limerick next day, but no trace of the husband could be found. I forgot to tell you that the third morning after he was gone the wife rose very early, and there at the dure [door] was the ass and car. The whole country was searched, up high and low down, but no trace. Weeks, monts and years came and went, but he never turned up.

Now the wife kept on a little business, sellin' nick-nacks to support herself, and a son, that grew to be a fine strapping man, as I hear um say, the picture of his father.

Now, sir, the boy was in or about twenty, when one day, himself and his mother were atin' their dinner, whin in comes a man and says, "God save ye!"

"And you too," says the mother. "Will you ate a spud, sir?" says she.

He rached for the spud, and in doin' so the sleeve of his coat shortned as he reached out his hand. He had a mole on his wrist and she see it, and her husband had one in the same spot.

"Good God!" says she, "are you John M'Namara?" -- for that was his name.

"I am," says he, "and your husband, and that's my son, but I can't tell you for some time where I was since I left you. But some time I might have the power, but not now."

Well, lo and behold you, in a week's time he started to work, and the boots he made were a surprise to the whole country round, and I believe he lived for nine or ten years ater that, but he never tould her or any one where he was, but of course everbody knew that 'twas wood [with] the good people.

An Old Woman Is Worse Than the Devil

Germany, Martin Luther

In stories we read about two young married people who loved one another with all their hearts and got along ever so well together. Now the devil wanted to sow discord between them so they would no longer love one another.

He went to an old whore, a wicked woman, and offered her a pair of red shoes if she could sow discord between the married people.

The old slut accepted the challenge, then went to the man and said, "Listen, your wife is planning to kill you."

The man said, "That cannot be true. I know that my wife loves me sincerely."

"No," said the old woman, "she is in love with someone else, and she intends to slit your throat."

Thus she succeeded in making the man afraid of his wife. He thought that something horrible might happen to him.

Soon afterward the old slut went to the man's wife and said, "Your husband does not love you."

When the wife answered, "I have a pious husband, and I know that he loves me," the old slut responded, "No, he wants to take another woman, so you should stop him. Take a razor, put it under his pillow, and kill him."

The wife believed the old slut, and the poor, crazy fool became furious with her husband.

The husband grew suspicious, and, learning from the old whore that his wife had hidden a razor under his pillow, he waited until his wife was asleep, found the razor, and killed his wife.

Then the old woman came to the devil and demanded the pair of red shoes. The devil reached the shoes to her, but he did so on a long pole, for he was afraid of her. He said, "Take them. You are wickeder than I am."

The Witch Ride

Germany

Once there was a wealthy peasant, whose wife -- the people said -- was a witch. This was repeated so often that the peasant himself finally heard the rumor. He wanted to get to the bottom of the matter, and thus one day before May Night he went out and got some turf from the grave of a child who had died without being baptized. He secretly hid the turf then went to bed with his wife. He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep, although he remained awake and attentive.

At the strike of twelve his wife did indeed get up and sneak out the bedroom door. The peasant, taking turf with him, followed her outside the house door, where she suddenly disappeared. He saw nothing but a troop of black horses. But the peasant did not allow himself to be deceived. Quickly placing the turf on his head, he saw -- instead of the black horses -- women and girls of his acquaintance. In their midst was his wife. He also heard them discussing their trip to Block Mountain. He recognized them, because anyone beneath the earth can see witches and spirits in their true form.

Angered, the peasant jumped at his wife and swung himself onto her, just as one would climb onto an ordinary horse's back. He also knew witches' magic words and called out:

Horse of black, horse so fleet, Do you duty with quick feet.

Then she rose up and carried him into the air. She did not tire from the mighty ride, nor did the peasant grow tired. Again and again he called out:

Horse of black, horse so fleet, Do you duty with quick feet.

But that was his misfortune, because before he knew it, May Night was over. Morning broke across the mountains, and his wife was no longer a black horse. She let out a pitiful scream, and together they fell from high in the air, horribly smashing themselves to pieces.

From that time forth they have made this same ride every night, and they will have no rest until the day of judgement.

The Witch of Treva

England, Robert Hunt

Once on a time, long ago, there lived at Treva, a hamlet in Zennor, a wonderful old lady deeply skilled in necromancy. Her charms, spells, and dark incantations made her the terror of the neighborhood. However, this old lady failed to impress her husband with any belief in her supernatural powers, nor did he fail to proclaim his unbelief aloud.

One day this skeptic came home to dinner, and found, being exceedingly hungry, to his bitter disappointment, that not only was there no dinner to eat, but that there was no meat in the house. His rage was great, but all he could get from his wife was, "I couldn't get meat out of the stones, could I?" It was in vain to give the reins to passion, the old woman told him, and he must know "that hard words buttered no parsnips."

Well, at length he resolved to put his wife's powers to the proof, and he quietly but determinedly told her that he would be the death of her if she did not get him some dinner; but if in half an hour she gave him some good cooked meat, he would believe all she had boasted of her power, and be submissive to her forever.

St. Ives, the nearest market town, was five miles off; but nothing doubting, the witch put on her bonnet and cloak, and started. Her husband watched her from their cottage door, down the hill; and at the bottom of the hill, he saw his wife quietly place herself on the ground and disappear. In her place a fine hare ran on at its full speed.

He was not a little startled, but he waited, and within the half hour in walked his wife with "good flesh and taties all ready for aiting." There was no longer any doubt, and the poor husband lived in fear of the witch of Treva to the day of her death.

This event took place after a few years, and it is said the room was full of evil spirits, and that the old woman's shrieks were awful to hear. Howbeit, peace in the shape of pale-faced death came to her at last, and then a black cloud rested over the house when all the heavens were clear and blue.

She was borne to the grave by six aged men, carried, as is the custom, underhand. When they were about half way between the house and the church, a hare started from the roadside and leaped over the coffin. The terrified bearers let the corpse fall to the ground, and ran away. Another lot of men took up the coffin and proceeded.

They had not gone far when puss was suddenly seen seated on the coffin, and again the coffin was abandoned. After long consultation, and being persuaded by the parson to carry the old woman very quickly into the churchyard, while he walked before, six others made the attempt, and as the parson never ceased to repeat the Lord's Prayer, all went on quietly.

Arrived at the church stile, they rested the corpse, the parson paused to commence the ordinary burial service, and there stood the hare, which, as soon as the clergyman began "I am the resurrection and the life," uttered a diabolical howl, changed into a black, unshapen creature, and disappeared.

The Wild Huntsman and the Mine-Monk

August Ey

Many stories are told about the road between Clausthal and Goslar, including the following one. Many years ago, when the roads around here were very poor, a woman went to Goslar every week to bring back earthenware to sell. She left here early in the morning, often not returning until after nightfall.

One time she stayed in Goslar longer than usual, not leaving until it was already half dark. But she knew every step of the way, so she lifted her pack basket filled with earthenware to her back, and proceeded merrily on her way toward Clausthal. It was slow work going uphill, but at last she reached the summit where the Zipollen field is.

Tired from her heavy load and the long uphill climb, she decided to sit down and take a decent rest. Suddenly she saw a large fire and noticed some people. Thinking they must be charcoal burners or woodcutters, and being very thirsty, she approached them to ask for some water to drink. But as she came closer, she saw to her great fear that it was a giant huntsman and his companions seated around the fire--a terrifying sight.

They were roasting a huge stag on a spit above the fire. But worst of all, some horribly large dogs were running about, and they suddenly chased up to her, jumping at her until she could feel their hot breath, and snapping at her coat as though they wanted to tear her apart. The men just sat there, paying no heed to the terrified woman. Everything was so uncanny, so quiet.

She ran as fast as she could to escape from the beasts' claws. She ran, driven by terror, until she at last collapsed and lay there unconscious beneath her pack basket.

When she finally awoke she saw a man standing over her. He was wearing a green miner's hat and a black jacket, and was carrying a large torch in his hand. He helped her up and asked her what she needed. She tearfully told him what had happened and that because of her running and her fall her earthenware had probably broken to pieces. She was very poor, and all that she owned was invested in this trade, and today in particular, it was all in this pack basket. Now everything was in pieces, and she did not know what she would do.

The juryman, for this is who the woman thought was standing before her, felt sorry for her. He pulled her coat away from her pack basket and looked inside with his torch. He told her that everything was in order. Then wishing her good luck [He uses the expression "Glückauf," a traditional miner's greeting.], he set off in the direction of Goslar.

The woman, filled with sorrow and feeling like she had been beaten, continued on her way to Clausthal. It was after daybreak when she arrived home. She went into her little kitchen, set her pack basket on the table, and fell exhausted onto the bench. But she could not resist looking into the pack basket to see what had happened to her earthenware, to see if anything could be salvaged.

Looking inside, she was startled to see, instead of broken pieces, or pots and jars, nothing but shiny coins. She immediately ran to her landlady, a clever old woman. After hearing the story, she said, "Those beings by the fire were the wild huntsman with his followers and his dogs. The juryman, however, was the Mine-Monk. Consider yourself lucky that you escaped alive."

The woman used the money to buy a small house and a few cows. And from that time forth she never again brought earthenware from Goslar.

The Iron Chest

Germany

 Once upon a time there was a poor peasant. One morning before sunrise he rode into the forest to cut wood. There, under an oak tree, he met a very old woman. She was standing before a large iron chest, and she said to him, "You can redeem me and make yourself lucky! This iron chest is filled to the top with hard thalers. Take it home with you, but tell no one a solitary word about it, or it will bring you misfortune."

The man was delighted to hear these words, and the old woman was also so friendly as to take hold of the chest and help him load it onto his wagon. He thanked her kindly and rode back home.

"Mother," he said as the wagon pulled up to the door, "I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but you are my dear wife, so the promise doesn't apply to you."

"That's right, father," said the peasant's wife with curiosity. "I'll be as silent as the grave. What is it then? Why are you coming home so early from the woods?"

"That's exactly what it is!" answered the peasant. "I found a large chest full of money under an oak tree. We shall never want again. But be sure to hold your tongue. Now go and fix us something good to eat. I've had no meat for a week now."

With that they lifted the chest from the wagon and carried it into the cellar. Then the peasant's wife took a thaler out of the iron chest, bought some meat, and roasted it on the hearth. What joy! However, her neighbor had hardly smelled the delicious odor when she hurried by, sniffed, and said, "Good day, kinswoman, what are you cooking?"

"Oh, neighbor," replied the woman, "I can't tell anyone, but of course you can keep a secret. When my husband was driving into the forest to cut wood, he found a large iron chest full of money beneath an oak tree."

"That is wonderful," said the kinswoman. "You told the right person, for I won't repeat it to a soul!" Then she ran back to her house.

Not long afterward her brother's wife came to visit her from the neighboring farm. "Sister-in-law, do you know what has happened?" she asked her. "But you must be able to hold your tongue!"

"Oh, as though I were a blabbermouth!"

"I know, and that's why I said that. Our neighbor from over there, the little peasant, while he was cutting wood in the forest he found a large chest of gold under an oak tree."

The sister-in-law did indeed hold her tongue and carried the story to the sexton's wife, and before the sun went down it had found its way to the magistrate. He summoned the peasant before him and said, "I know it all! You stole a chest of money, and it is in your cellar. Turn over the money!"

"No, my lord," answered the peasant. "That is not true. I am as poor as a church mouse and am an honest fellow. I've stolen nothing."

"That will be determined, old friend," replied the magistrate. "Your wife herself said so."

"Oh, my lord, my wife is crazy."

"Go now! The court meets in two weeks. At that time we will see if your wife is crazy."

The peasant did not feel well as he left the magistrate's estate, and he thought of the words the old woman had spoken to him under the oak tree. But he did not loose courage. He hurried home, took a handful of thalers out of the chest, hitched up his wagon, and drove into town. There he bought all the bread rolls that the bakers had in stock, so that he had a good dozen bushels of them to load into his wagon. He drove back home with them and scattered the rolls all about the yard, while his wife was in the kitchen cooking something good. He threw a few pecks of them onto the roof and laid a few of them just outside the gate as well.

Then he ran into the kitchen shouting, "Woman, you are just like all the others! No sooner do we get a little money in our pockets than you let the housekeeping float off into the blue! The good Lord let it rain bread rolls outside, and you won't even bend over to pick them up!"

"Man, are you stupid?" replied the peasant's wife. "It rained rolls?"

"It certainly did. Go see for yourself," the man replied.

So the peasant woman looked out the window, and when she saw the many thousands of rolls in the yard she was overjoyed. She ran outside and for the next few hours gathered them, filling three large meat tubs.

The next day the peasant said, "Listen, woman, when I was recently in town I learned that our king by mistake has recruited new soldiers with long pointed iron beaks. They especially pick at womenfolk with them, sticking them to death. They are supposed to be coming through our village today. I will tip the washtub over you, and they won't find you. They won't find me either. I'll hide in the attic."

Filled with fear, the peasant's wife sat down, and the peasant tipped the washtub over her. Then he went into the chicken coop, caught all the chickens and carried them into the house, then scattered barley all around the washtub and on top of it. Then peck, peck, peck, the chickens ate up all the barley until not a kernel was to be found. Then they all ran back into the yard. Then the peasant picked up the tub and said to his wife, "Mother, they have left the village!"

"Oh, father, I was so afraid," said the peasant's wife. "Oh, how they were knocking: peck, peck, peck! with their long iron beaks! But I didn't make a sound, and they didn't find me."

"Thank God, they didn't find me either!" said the peasant, and that was that.

When the two weeks had passed, the peasant and his wife were summoned to court. The peasant denied everything, but when the judges turned sternly to his wife, she swore by everything good and true that she had told her neighbor the truth.

"Don't believe the woman, my lords," cried the peasant. "She is not all there upstairs! -- And, mother, what else happened when I brought home the chest?"

"Don't you remember, father? It was the day before the good Lord let it rain bread rolls!"

The judges shook their heads, and the peasant said, "Am I not right? She is crazy!"

"I am supposed to be crazy?" continued the woman eagerly. "Don't you remember, father? It was two days before our king's new soldiers with the long pointed iron beaks came through the village and to our farm, and peck, peck, peck, knocked on the washtub that you had tipped over on top of me!"

"Peasant, you are right!" said the judges. Your wife is not all there. Go home with her and take care that she doesn't cause any harm."

Thus peasant was out of trouble, and he went back to his village with his wife. There he let her taste his buckthorn stick, and it was so good for her that she never gossiped again. Little by little they used the money in the iron chest to buy one piece of land after the other next to their farm, and finally became very wealthy. And if they didn't die, they are still alive.